H-Town said it best

Emotions make you cry sometimes...

I blog/post about my challenges because it helped people.  Initially I was posting only milestones but questions started coming from people.  I started this somewhere in 2013 when I fully committed to living a healthier lifestyle.

When losing weight and getting over plateaus in weight loss challenged me I wrote about how frustrating that can be.  I received great feedback from people about how to get over the hump. Then when I started exploring and decided to pursue weight loss surgery I wanted to tell people about that process from contemplation, pre-op, post-op, recovery, and maintaining.

Then just 8 short months after weight loss surgery cancer showed up.  I put everything that had to do with weight loss surgery on the back burner because cancer is scary mmmkay.  Thyroid Cancer is supposed the the "good" one to get if you get cancer.  WTF???  Many people are suffering from thyroid issues so now more people are asking questions about how did I find out and such.   You can find that reading my blog 'The Missed Diagnosis because of Fat'.

I found strength in telling people my story.  However, with 2 recurrences/being diagnosed with cancer 3 times in 2 years, I'm always anxious because I'm afraid at any point and time I could come back.  That's terrifying.  How the eff do I cope?  WTF are these overwhelming emotions I'm experiencing?  Why am I always on the verge of tears all the time?  If I'm at home I can cry and it's no problem or I can cook.  However, what do I do when I'm at work or out in social situations?

The website I had cancer has been a great resource to show me all these emotions are normal.  On the more personal side, part of my new treatment plan is weekly therapy appointments.  While this website is geared toward different cancer patients it's a reminder to any who has gone through anything that your emotions are yours and you're entitled to feel how you feel.

While some people might be tired of my posting, I get more feedback from people who can relate than anything negative.  I was surprised when I got inboxed from people telling me they were dealing with cancer themselves or dealing with major medical issues and my post make their emotions valid.

Life is about balance.  When you find your life feeling overwhelmed check "life scales" and work to find balance.  Don't be afraid to make time for yourself in order to find balance.

I peep shit

Why is Lisha so nice???  If that had been me... BAAAABBBBYYY!

I have friends that always say ‘God has blessed you’/'you're better than me' because I don’t always respond to situations that bother me.  I’m a great friend.  I never ever worry if I have wronged anyone.  I’m very in touch with my “emotions”/I take responsibility for my shit.  I’ll always apologize once I’m out of my feelings.  If I think a friend is upset with me I’ll reach out to them to try to remedy the situation, why?  This half/ass Christian/hippie side of me remembers never let the sun go down when you’re angry.  If I were to die the next day I don’t want someone feeling regret…  Personally, I won’t really care because I’ll be dead.  However, even in death I want people feeling good about their relationship with me.  They sure as hell won’t have time to say anything at my funeral because their won’t be a ‘Celebration of Life’ after I’m dead. 

The other reason why I don’t respond to situations because you never know what someone is going through.  While, I won’t go into details having your doctor say ‘Alisha if you don’t put you first and take care of these issues you won’t be around to help all the people you care about’.  #WakeUpCall

However, I’ve been this way for over 10 years and I’ll tell you why.  When I worked at Wal-Mart a new co-worker was hospitalized with diverticulitis.  I visited him every day he was in the hospital and gave him my number.  He was new to the area and didn’t know his number by heart and his phone was dead when I was there.  I never received a call from him.  It was a few weeks after he was released from the hospital but he had not returned to work.  I asked my Asst Mgr Troy, ‘Where’s Jeff?  When is he coming back?’  That’s when Troy told me after being released from the hospital he went to recover at his parent’s in Colorado.  While there he took a bottle of sleeping pills and died.  That hit me hard. I didn't realize there was more going on with Jeff. That was in 2003.  So for 14 years, I’ve been very careful about how I treat people.  You never know the battle someone is fighting.  I try to make emotional connections with folks so they feel comfortable reaching out to me before doing something so drastic. 

If you're reading this and are having thoughts of harming yourself, please call 1-800-273-8255 and know your life is valued, you're needed in this world, and you're loved.

  

When people look at me, they don’t know that I’ve had cancer 3 times in 2 years.  They don’t know I suffer from chronic fatigue.  You don’t see the anxiety, chest pains, frequent dizzy spells, insomnia, body aches, short term memory loss, lack of muscle coordination, stack of unpaid medical bills and moodiness.  Well you may see the moodiness.  You see what I want you to see.  You see Lisha living without a struggle, looking happy, looking cute, and using her voice/platform to help others.

I have people who don’t show up in my life but get mad when they get the same treatment.  If you ain’t with me during my struggle, I don’t need you.  If there’s anything I’ve learned in these last 2 years, folks who are truly in your corner will always have your back—and it’s not always those people who have been in your corner for 20 years.  They are just people you grew up with and that’s ok.  While some of my long term friends are still my “ride or die”, it’s friends I’ve met within the past 2 years that I would trade faster than the black delegation would trade Stacy Dash for Gary Owen. 

So understand my silence is not passive, naivety or acceptance of certain behaviors, it’s maturity and my half-ass Christian/hippie nature to always practice love, kindness, and restraint in life. 

#Peace

#Love

#Happiness

  #UnapologeticallyAlisha