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Weight is always a touchy subject.  It's like you can't talk about it unless you're fat too.  I can't tell you how tired I am of hearing 'You have such a pretty face'!  Then I think my face got too fat so it became 'You have such pretty eyes'.  After joining many fat acceptance and full figured groups, I've become more aware of the harmful things people say. This type of behavior comes from both sides of the fence, harmful words knows no size. 

Many of my friends have never said anything about my weight.  If they have it hasn't been to my face.  But, I remember one instance when a friend tagged me in a photo as the "friend who would die first" in a zombie attack or something of that nature.  I will never admit that it hurt but I definitely felt smaller.  First of all, if there was a chance of a zombie attack I would not be on the same continent.  Secondly, I would prepare accordingly pack plenty of heat.  I'm sure he didn't think it would affect me but that was years ago and I still remember it.  More recently, he was quoted as saying "Life is like a box of chocolates"... "It doesn't last as long for fat people".  Many of my friend will know who it was after that.  We would like think to 'Sticks and Stone' but words do hurt and even if we don't admit it at the very least they affect us.

I strive to be very deliberate in everything do to not offend or hurt anyone's feelings but to encourage them to be better.  I find myself often getting lost in other people's lives and neglecting my own.  For me it's time I stop putting others before myself and making sure I'm 100%.  With that being said, I am saying publicly that I am trying to lose 100 pounds by January.  I am already aware that it is an insane goal from a woman who has never been on a diet other than Low Carb.  I'm not going to start a certain diet or do anything extreme.  I want to put myself on an exercise and nutrition regimen.  By the time I'm 30, I want to be healthier and happier.  Suggestions on what helped you get over the plateau, exercises and music you enjoyed, and anything positive are welcomed.

I think often we all have roles in life we play.  For a very long time I played the sometimes overbearing and funny fat friend.  While my friends may not see me that way, that's how I felt.  I believe that's because I put that costume on.  I have wonderful friends, many of whom, I've known for over 20 years.   But because of my own insecurities, I've never really said what I really said what I really thought or done what I've wanted to do. We're not going to have an Oprah AHA moment because I've always known this.  But, it's not being taken completely out of my comfort zone that I'm ok with admitting it.

I can't believe I just typed all that.  But I want to end on a high/positive note and tell you about my amazing friend from San Francisco.  My wonderful friend Naomi has inspired me tremendously!  She is amazingly beautiful inside and out even with her potty mouth.  Most times she says what I'm thinking.  She is eclectic and eccentric and recently reached a weight loss goal and she looks stunning!!!  She has documented very candidly her success and failures with weight loss.  She continues to inspire and encourage me with her words.  I want to say congratulations Nay on your achievement and Thanks!

I hope you enjoyed getting to know more of me. 


Live Outside the Box 
A. Jai